So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
