there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
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i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
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so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
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