i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
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Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
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Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize