If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Randomize
