your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
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