Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
Everything about him screamed your future.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
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