wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
she told me i tasted like america
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
Randomize
