I think I just saw someone hide a body.
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
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