I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
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Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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