My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
Randomize
