Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
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