Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
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