just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
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