Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
Randomize
