I like to think it a success when the cops are called
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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