found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Randomize
