So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
my shit smells like andre
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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