I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
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There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
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Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
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