she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
