My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
Dignity is for republicans.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
