I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Randomize
