hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
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