so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
Randomize
