Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
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