omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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