where am i from again
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
Randomize
