Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
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