jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
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