i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
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