i permit you to call me
Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
Randomize
