I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
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You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
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Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
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