god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
Sponge bath it is.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
Randomize
