so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
I know her cup size but not her name....
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
