You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
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