You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Randomize
