I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Randomize
