it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
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