Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
