I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
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I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
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Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
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