So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
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