I can't watch pbs sober anymore
I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
Randomize
