I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
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MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
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I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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