You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
