oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
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