i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
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She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
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