I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Randomize
