You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
Randomize
