dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
God, you're like boner-b-gone
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
did i just pee glitter
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
