After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
