operation harelip BJ is a go
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
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