How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize
