you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
the gays at disneyland are vicious
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize
