i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
