So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
