I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
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