I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
Life without a bra equals bliss.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
