I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
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Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
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Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
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