Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
Randomize
