So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
soo... how was my night?
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