Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
Randomize
