Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
My dick has a subreddit
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
Randomize
