My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
Randomize
